Master of Mortem: Collection
by Dalnim
Summary: Collection of one-shots leading up to Master of Mortem: Anniversary.


**A/N: This will be a collection of one-shots leading up the Anniversary. The updates will be irregular, so basically every time I get an idea I will write it here and this will remain incomplete at least for now.**

**Okay, what you need to know is that Harry is the Master of Death, but because he tried to destroy and throw away the Hallows, Death got mad and as a punishment Harry is stuck in the Death-realm dealing with near-death situations. As a result he can't live normally in the world, but can visit it – only no-one will be able to see him.**

**Summary: How Phil and Harry met for the first time.**

**Warnings: Slight Slash. There is also talk of suicide and death, but I'd like to remind you that this is more of a crackish fic. So just to be clear, I do not condone suicide and if you or someone you know is in that kind of situation: ****_get help_****!**

**Disclaimer: I own neither the Avengers or Harry Potter**

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"For Merlin's sake this guy just won't stop trying to die!" Phil heard a voice muttering nearby but found that he couldn't get his eyes open to see who it was.

"Seriously! Stab wounds, bullet wounds, knife cuts, what's next? At least he hasn't come across magic yet…"

"He's as accident prone as you were Master." Another voice said amused.

"Well I wasn't seeking for trouble, trouble found _me_!" The first voice countered. "And would you just stop calling me Master already."

"Of course Master."

"Argh! Fine, whatever, call me what you want." The first voice sighed. "Well, that's done and it's time to send this guy back. _Again._" The voice moved closer. "And you, I don't want to see you again till you're at least 80! Whatever you're doing, quit it because I'm done having to do all this paperwork because of you every few months!"

Phil winced, sure that the man's words were meant to him. For some reason he wanted to apologize to the man, but like his eyes, he couldn't move his mouth.

Suddenly a deep silence fell around him and he felt himself waking up. He blinked many times as a bright light shone to his face.

"Phil, good to see you awake." A familiar voice said and Phil looked up to see his boss standing next to his bed.

"Nick… What happened?" Phil murmured. He was clearly in the SHIELD medical facility, but couldn't remember the reason he was there.

"You were in a mission in Germany and got shot in the stomach. It was a touch and go for a moment."

At Fury's words it suddenly came all back to him.

He had been on a mission in München with a team of rookie agents. It had been a standard mission of gathering Intel – nothing special – but one of the rookies, Agent Figg, had decided to play a hero and confront the suspected member of HYDRA by himself. Needless to say the mission had gone to south after that and Phil had been the one who had had to save the moron from getting killed and got stabbed in the progress.

"Figg?" He asked Fury.

"Fine. A few bruises here and there. Less than what he'd have deserved." Nick grunted. "Damn kid won't be getting his license anytime soon. Got half the mind to just kick him out – we have no use for young brats who can't follow simple orders."

Phil nodded.

"What happened after I went down?"

"Barton put an arrow through the guy's head the second he saw you fall and took charge of the rest of the team. He collected you and led them to the extraction point. If it weren't for him we wouldn't be having this conversation." Nick looked at him pointedly with his one eye.

Phil smiled. That was as close as Nick Fury would get to admitting that he had been wrong about something, in this case that recruiting Clint Barton aka the Hawkeye had been a good idea.

"Get some rest Coulson. And after they let you out of here you are going on a holiday."

"But sir…"

"That's an order, Agent." Nick glared at him. "I don't want to see your ass back here until you're completely healed, understood?"

Phil gave him a ghost of a smile. Trust Nick to find a way to force him to take that holiday he had been due for years now, though Phil very much doubted it was going to last long even if he did try to take one. After all, there was no other handler who could deal with Barton and get him to cooperate. Give it two days and Nick would be begging for him to come back.

With a hint of a smirk he answered:

"Yes, sir."

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Phil stepped out of his beloved Chevrolet Corvette, Lola, outside his favorite bar called the Seeker. It had been ages since he had last had the time to stop by for a drink, although there had been times he really could have used one. As predicted, his 'holiday' had been nonexistent and he hadn't even made it out of the SHIELD medical by the time Nick came to see him again, demanding that he do something about Barton.

It turned out that Barton (along with Agent Sitwell as his handler) had gotten a mission to eliminate the infamous Black Widow, who had finally slipped and turned up on SHIELD's radar, but had gone off the grid with the assassin, only leaving a cryptic message behind for Phil to intercept. From the message Phil found out that Barton intended to recruit the Widow the same way as Phil had recruited him.

Needless to say, Fury hadn't been happy about that and had demanded that Phil fix what he had started, which is why, along with his recovery with the stabbing wound, Phil had spent the past three and half months tracking Barton and the Widow down and even that, he was only able to do because he knew Clint's methods and how his brain worked – he was the one who taught him, after all. That is to say it wasn't easy, but finally he found them in a remote location in Canada. And that damn kid had actually managed to recruit the Black Widow!

So now, after nearly four months of hard work, Phil had decided that he had deserved an evening off and for the first time since joining the SHIELD he shut his phone down for the rest of the day.

Phil shook his head as he sat down by the bar and signaled the bartender to give him a beer.

He really didn't know what Clint had done to convince the Black Widow to join SHIELD, but he had to hand it to the kid. Truth be told, he was proud of Clint and couldn't really be mad at him when Phil himself had done the same with Clint just a few years ago. But, he had to at least keep up the appearance that he was mad if only to keep Nick off his back.

"…But seriously three times she has tried to kill herself, _three times_! I mean if she wants to die so bad why the bloody hell she can't just do it properly then?" A voice ranted at Phil's left drawing him back from his thoughts and Phil turned to see a very attractive-looking guy with a messy black hair. He was leaning onto the bar with 10 – Phil counted – shots (half of them gone already) in front of him. Taking another shot the man continued his rant to the bartender, who seemed not to even notice him.

"Do you know how much paperwork one attempted suicide makes, Ernie? I'm telling you it's a lot!" He exclaimed and took another shot. "Merlin, I hate people like her."

Phil observed him for a while finding it very amusing, as well as odd, that no-one around the guy seemed to be paying attention to him no matter how loud he was being. After half an hour he couldn't help his curiosity anymore.

"You do know that he's not listening to you, right?" Phil spoke up and the messy-haired man jumped nearly a feet into the air.

"Bloody hell! You almost gave me a heart attack, man." The man said clutching his chest before taking a good look at Phil for the first time and groaning out loud. "No, no, no, no! It's you again." He sighed and Phil frowned, had he met this man before? He didn't think so. Surely he would remember a man as gorgeous as he was – especially those gorgeous green eyes.

"Didn't I just tell you a few months ago that I. Do. Not. Want. To. See. You. Back. Again." The man continued. "Seriously. What the _hell_ is wrong with you? Are you suicidal? Or just plain idiotic enough to get yourself _almost_ killed every few months? People like you are exactly the reason I'm stuck in here dealing with the near deaths and sitting in a bar talking to a bartender who doesn't even _see_ me, in my spare time. God I'm so pathetic these days." Phil heard him mutter the last part, before once again he turned his attention to Phil.

"So, what is this time? Another bullet wound, perhaps? Or did you get stabbed in a stomach again?" The man asked looking at Phil, who just continued to stare at him confusion. "Wait a minute… if you're nearly dead again, how are we still in a bar?" He frowned. "We should be at King Cross like always." He mused before looking at Phil again.

"Why are you here?"

"To get a drink?" Phil answered, but it came out more like a question.

"I mean, where are you hurt?" The man asked impatiently.

"Hurt? I'm not hurt anywhere. I just came here to get a drink. Isn't that what people do in bars?"

"Not hurt?" The man asked slowly. "Then why do you…?" He trailed off his green eyes widening. "You can see me!" He exclaimed.

"Of course I can see you." Phil frowned. Why wouldn't he?

"You can see me. I can't believe this! You're not hurt and you can actually see me!" The man bounced happily. "What does this mean? Does it mean my punishment is finally over? Am I finally free? Oh bloody hell, I need a drink." The man said and jumped over the bar-counter at an amazing ease and grace and poured himself a glass of what looked like tequila.

"Hey man, what the hell do you think you're doing?! You can't just go there and help yourself; you need to pay for that." The bartender, who Phil assumed was called Ernie, exclaimed and the strange man gaped at him.

"You can see me too?" He asked the Ernie his green eyes wide.

"Of course I can see y – I think you've had enough, mister." Ernie said taking the bottle out of the man's hand and leading him away from the bar.

"He can see me too!" The man exclaimed to Phil. "I can't believe this!" He bounced like a three-year-old and Phil couldn't help but think he looked adorable. Suddenly the man moved in a flash to the restaurant side of the bar, moving from table to table asking random people if they could see him and every time he received the same answer: "yes".

"I can't believe this! I can't believe this!" The man repeated. "This is unbelievable! After ten years. This is brilliant!" The man said before once again turning his intense emerald eye to Phil. "_You_ are brilliant, Phil Coulson, absolutely brilliant! You did this. I don't know how you did it, but you did. You freed me. I'm so happy I could just kiss you right now – oh what the hell, I'm just gonna kiss you." The man rambled and that was the only warning Phil received before the man's lips were on his and Phil received what could only be described as the best kiss of his entire life.

Phil didn't know how long the kiss lasted, but when they did break off he felt very light-headed indeed.

"Wow, you're a brilliant kisser too." The man grinned at him boyishly and Phil was sold. Whoever this man was, Phil was definitely going to get to know him and maybe he'd get a few of those brilliant kisses too.

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**A/N: Thanks for reading! Please review and tell me what you think.**

**If you have any ideas of scenes you'd like me to write please review or PM me and I'll try to execute them.**

**Thanks,**

**- Dalnim**


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